Tuesday, 23 December 2008

SINGLE IN CHRIST: DATING



As a single girl in Christian-Dom recently I have been reading up on a few things that have helped to get my mind in perspective about dating.
When I was younger I dated here and there, nothing too serious but when I decided to start living for God I realised that the concept of dating in my mind was different to God’s ideal for us.
I think as believers (and I am guilty of this too) we tend to think that we should date the same way as the rest of the world dates with the exception of pre-martial sex.
But this is wrong. I really had to go back to the drawing board on this one.
If you think like the world then you will eventually behave as the world.
So I got to thinking, what should a Christian romantic relationship be like?
And I came up with this. It should be like a deep friendship with the intension to commit to each other for eternity. I know there are some who like to date for the sake of dating but if we really think on it. Is that really the best cause of action?
Surely if we follow God’s direction he will lead us to the right one. Imagine if we spent our time trying to date as many as possible (for numbers sake) what we may miss out on. What if the person God has designed for you is around the corner but we are so distracted with everything and everyone else around us that we miss out on that special someone.
That is why the Bible calls us to obedience, in 1st Samuel chapter 15:22b it says, “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice”. God expects our obedience at all times.
We lose out (not him) when we are not obedient to his word that’s why we should always be in a place of constant prayer, where we commune with him on a regular basis, to build up our relationship with him. Once you know someone you know what he or she likes and dislikes. It’s the same with God once you really get to know him, you’ll know what his desires towards you are.
In short; the dating process should be taken seriously with prayer, fasting and supplication. Before you say I do you should have all the facts. Remember it’s not our decisions that matter, its Gods decision that truly counts.
I came across an article on dating tips, which I found useful, here it is:


Christian Dating Tips...Honouring Christ, Your Date,and Yourself!
We've put together some Christian dating tips that we hope will be helpful for you or for someone you love
When it comes to dating, Christian singles are in a battle every day.
As Christians we all are called to a higher standard of living than when we walked in our fleshly desires. The Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your body." (NIV)
Whether we are young or old, the battle rages on in our flesh to remain pure and holy while we are dating. We MUST honour God with our bodies and we also want to honour those we are dating.
The good news is that we have help through the Holy Spirit who guides us and we know that Jesus has overcome the world! We don't have to face the battle alone.
Below, you will find some very practical dating tips that you can apply while dating. Some of these dating tips may seem a bit rigid, but when followed you’ll find that you end up with a beautiful relationship on the other end; and you’ll have no regrets.
We don’t want to spend a great deal of time on some of the more obvious dating tips, but we thought they should be mentioned none-the-less. Here are some well-tested dating tips that never fail. They may seem pretty obvious but you would be surprised how many people (mostly guys) don't apply these grooming tips.
Dress nicely
Comb your hair
Brush your teeth
Wear deodorant
If you are driving – Clean up your vehicle inside and out
And always bring along your sense of humour
We have discovered these dating tips through our own relationships, by watching triumphs and mistakes of others, and by simply taking a common sense approach to relationships and purity. We hope these dating tips help you in your search to honour God and your date while you are building a wonderful relationship.
Dating Tips to Grow a Strong Relationship!
Pray – Before you even leave home to meet your date you need to spend time on your knees asking God to help you honour Him and your date. You can never go wrong with prayer. This will also put you in the proper mind-set for your time together.
Talk a lot – There’s no better way to get to know someone than by talking to him or her about a wide variety of topics. The more you talk, the more you will begin to know if this might be a relationship that you should pursue.
Let’s be friends! – This is an important dating tip to remember. Don’t forget that until you are married the person you are dating could be some one else’s future mate. When you begin dating someone there is a lot of pressure to move things along much too quickly. Choose to keep your relationship on a friendship level. The longer you can remain "just friends", the better your relationship will be if you decide to get married at some point.
It's great being married to your best friend!
Pray in groups – What in the world does that mean? This sounds like an odd dating tip. What we’re suggesting is that you don’t pray together alone as a couple too early in your relationship. Prayer is so very important in any relationship so please don't misunderstand this point. When you pray with someone of the opposite sex that you care about you begin to build a level of intimacy that can often lead to trouble.
The goal in any Christian relationship is to honour God. Prayer is intimate communication with God and can draw couples together in ways not intended if you are not careful. It’s better to pray together when you are with other Christians. This will help keep the focus on God and not allow thoughts and emotions to wander to prohibited areas.
Choose to not kiss – At least until you are engaged to be married. Okay, this can be extremely difficult, but if you can follow this one dating tip then most of the others will happen naturally. Even kissing once you are engaged can be very dangerous. It’s better to not kiss at all until your wedding day! Before you laugh and click to another page with thoughts that we must be insane, consider these points on kissing.
A kiss begins to sexually stimulate a man (and woman) instantly.
If you aren’t kissing then you won’t become tempted to take things to a more intimate level. You’ll be protecting yourself and the purity of your date.
If a Christian man is kissing his date and it gives him an erection (often just the possibility of a kiss can do this), is God or his date being honoured?
Is this healthy for the man to get sexually aroused time after time without sexual release? When men become sexually aroused a large amount of blood flows to the genitals. If ejaculation does not occur; the build up of blood can become painful. That just can't be a good thing for anyone! Ouch! :O)
A kiss will surely break down your barriers and leave you in a position that could ultimately devastate your relationship with your date and separate you from a close walk with God. Self-control seems to be the better option.
Just think how magical that first kiss will be if it is saved for your wedding day!
Include another couple – You will find that physical issues are much less distracting if you plan most of your dating situations to include other couples. Group dates can be a lot of fun and you’ll also be helping your friends maintain purity in their relationships as well.
Always treat each other with respect – If you respect the person you are with then you won’t say or do things that will intentionally hurt them. Ask yourself "what would Jesus do?" and then do it!
Hope this has been helpful; let me know what you think.Selah

2 comments:

Blessed Tresses said...

First,let me say thank you for posting this because it is really good information. It is so hard to deliver this message to single christians because they can't get the concept of being different and separate. I tell the people in the singles group that you have to believe God to take charge of this situation too. God bless you and you keep letting him use you.

God's child said...

Thank you, im so sorry about the late reply, i just got saw this comment now. Praise God. Im glad it blessed you. it something God laid in my heart to do. Thanks for the encouragement.